question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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