That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I want to be your penis for a week.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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