How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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