i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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