look no pants
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
