life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
