Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
