my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
