Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
