i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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