paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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