Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
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Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
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Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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