A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
