Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
