I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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