my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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