well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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