I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
