TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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