you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
