she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
