my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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