you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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