i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
