Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
