i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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