How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You ruined the universe
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
