She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Can i not drive my cunt home
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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