So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
