if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
