Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
