Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Shitshow foam night was such a success
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
