I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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