im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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