he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
