last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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