I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
