who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
