My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
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I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
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Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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