I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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