I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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