2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
