He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
