Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
