Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
