I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
tell your sister to shave her snatch
false alarm. still invincible.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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