We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
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Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
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You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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