I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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