I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
