I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
