I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
