I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
