I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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