i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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