I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The uberlube is also flammable
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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