Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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