well most of my day revolves around power hour
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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