Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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