I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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