This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
