That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
