Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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