True but thats because hes a fetus.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
